Your Most Embarassing Moment (speaking Chinese)

hmm, ordering five helpings of pig brains at a hot pot restaurant, I think. We ordered some veggies too, but we thought we were getting pork (we were pointing at the item in a menu). The 服务员 kept asking us, "are you sure that's what you want? are you SURE you're sure???" And we said, yes, PIG BRAINS, BRING US PIG BRAINS! WE WANT NOTHING BUT PIG BRAINS.

Great topic Kyle, and my "tang1" "tang2" sorry is the opposite, as I wanted soup with my noddles and at first the 服務員 thought I wanted sugar in my noodles...Ugh! So, tones are important people! Don't get lazy with them, and review/practice often, even at my level. My Story So, my most funny/embarrassing story was my first year in China, fall of 2003 when I would have game night with a dozen or so Chinese. For one game night I wanted to go out and getting something to eat before everyone met, so 2 girls and another guy and I went out to the street where there was lots of street food. Well, we all wanted different street food, so I went and got my usual 大餅雞蛋 (flatbread with egg rolled up in it, with meat as well). So, after I got it, I went looking for everyone. As I wandered around, I walked right past the guy I had come there with who was still waiting for his food, so I didn't see him. He asked me, as I walked by him, 你干什麽? (What are you doing?). I said quite loudly, trying to get my Chinese right, 我在找女孩! (I'm looking for the girls!). My friend quickly said to shut up and not say that loudly. I was like, why not? Didn't I say it right that I was 找女孩? And he said, don't let the police here you say that! You see, I forgot that Chinese doesn't have the word "the" to distinguish that I was looking for someone I already knew, so "找女孩" on the street means "looking for girls" or "looking for prostitutes".... ha ha. Still don't know what to say.. guess just 我們的朋友 would have been better.

Ha ha... that's awesome. Similar to John B's example, a friend of mine was talking to an attractive woman and tried to say, "我是口语老师" but apparently he had been studying too much "alternative vocabulary" because what came out was "我是口交老师." (And no, the woman did not find it intriguing in the least.) That was incredibly embarrassing for everyone there. I don't think I've ever been so embarrassed by something someone else said...

Those are great! If I was 喝牛奶，it would be coming out of my 鼻子 right now. I've got a couple of minor stories, but nothing that can compare with those. I think I'll just sit back and read. I'm looking forward to this thread.

I feel like slapping my knee and laughing my ass off at these but I can't read the hanzi, so every one of these is like an inside joke or something. Translations anyone? Please. Pretty please?

Taipan, mine you should be able to get from the dictionary entry links. The two sentences in John Pasden's are "I am a ___ teacher," and from that the dictionary lookups should provide the punchlines. Actually straight up giving the translations ruins a lot of the joke (not to mention the new word learning experiences!) :)

I think this is the epitome of striving for a harmonious society. Dirty jokes: the ties that bind all cultures together.

Similar to 口语/口交, I remember seriously asking people what they thought of my 口淫, adding that I really needed to practice my 口淫 in order to get it really 到位. Also, there was a time when I thought that a Beijing breakfast place that specialized in 炒肝儿 was serving 炒肛儿. Ah, the vagaries of erization.

Thanks JohnB! I'm on it!

Now I'm laughing my a$$ off!

Once, when planning for my wedding and talking to my future father-in-law, we were talking about 婚庆拱门 (hūnqìng gǒngmén -- those flower-covered arches that the newlyweds walk through). However, instead of 拱门 I said... 肛门. It's funny, in retrospect. At the time, not so much.

wildyaks, On the contrary, I found your story quite funny. (Taipan, this is for you!) 一 大 碗 麻烦 一 大 碗 米饭

哈哈

I also made a fool of myself in a noodle place last year in Zhengzhou. They had cold noodles 凉面 (liángmiàn) on a menu on the wall and that's what I asked for. They also had a display with vegetables and other dishes, a buffet of sorts where you choose different dishes, they serve you and you pay before eating your food. So I pointed to two styles of cold noodles they also had there, and they all exchange funny looks. I confirmed that's what I wanted, so they went on piling stuff on the plate. Was very cheap so I wasn't sure what I paid for, took a sit while 服务员们 (fúwùyuán) were going back and forth chuckling, until another, serious dish of cold noodles was served to me with everyone now laughing. What I had pointed to was in addition to the full plate of noodles I had first ordered, so I ended up with food for probably 3 people, and was so embarassed. No one tried to help though, which also annoyed me.

Great topic and an easy one for me. One time I asked a couple if they had hai2zi (children) and they heard me ask if they had ai4zi (Aids).

I always hate it when Chinese people put on a stupid foreigner accent when talking to me. Ni1 Hao4. Huan1 Ying1 Ni1 Dao1 Zhong1 Guo4. (欢迎你到中国）I always try to be as rude as possible when correcting them because I think it's moronic that they put on this stupid accent when they see a foreigner. Once I was in a noodle shop and some 小伙子 in a little hat started up with that stupid accent. "Ni1 yao1 chi1 shen1 me4" (你要吃什么）. I corrected his accent in front of everyone at the restaurant, using my finger to exaggerate the tones, like a hundred little Chinese kids have done to me before. Only after he had left to get our orders did my companion tell me "Dude, I think that guy's from XinJiang (China's Westernmost province)... he's probably not doing it on purpose, that's his real accent..."

These are all great. Maxiewawa, that's priceless!

@ maxiewawa I don't blame you for approaching that situation in that manner--I do the same thing. =)

I can't give the tones because I don't what the word is in Chinese and it is a second hand story. My father was at a meeting with the president of Beijing Union University and he had his two translators with him. He was introduced to everyone and as usual he pronounced the names as best as he could. He found that every time he was saying the presidents name she was getting more and more anoyed with him. After he got out of the meeting he asked his translators what it was about. They told him that he had been calling her menstrual cramps in front of all the government officials and other important people at the school. Apparently she didn't think it was as funny as we did and in the end the deal didn't go through. I am going to have to think harder about mistakes I have made. It is really hard to embarrass me so I don't remember them that well.

Not hardly as funny, or embarrassing as the above... But we once were in a restaurant, the dishes had come and my friend order 一大碗麻烦 to go with the dishes. Of course she meant 米饭... We still laugh about that and occasionally order 麻烦, just for the taste of it.