This is an experiment in a little bit different way of learning a language. I'm a big believer in using Movies and TV to help lerarn a new language.
My idea is to first watch the video without the aid of any written material, the next step is to watch it at the same time as you read the English translation.
The next lesson will break down the text, we'll have a Pinyin translation and the new words table.
My very favorite Chinese sketch is one from 赵本山, (Zhao Ben Shan) which is the last in a trilogy of ultra-famous sketches. The preceeding two parts in the series were called 卖拐 (mai4 guai3 or "sell the crutch") and 买车 (mai4 che1 meaning "sell the wheelchair").
This sketch can help us learn alot of interesting phrases and collocations, and also quite a bit of 北方话 (northern dialect) which is quite popular in China now.
This series of sketches popularized the phrase 忽悠！(hu1 you1) meaning, to trick.
The first monolgue by Fan4 Wei3 was so popular it came as a standard ring tone in Chinese cell phones!
In the previous two episodes our friend Fan Wei has been tricked twice by Zhao Ben Shan's 脑筋急转弯 Nao3 Jin1 Ji2 Zhuan3 Wan1 (mind games) into buying a Crutch and Wheelchair (neither of which he actually needed) at highly inflated prices and he is determined never to be tricked again. He quits his job as a Chef and opens up a 防忽悠热线 fang2 hu1 you1 re4 xian4, meaning a "trickery prevention hotline".
When we pick up the action, Zhao4 Ben3 Shan1 has come to play his last and greatest trick on the nieve Fan4 Wei3.
But maybe Fan4 Wei3 has a few tricks of his own up his sleeve!
This is part one.
First watch the video, THEN read the translation, see what words that you know stick out to you while watching. If you don't understnad much it's okay, just try and appreciate the video for the perfomances and let the body language and events that take place help you piece it together.
The next step will be a Pinyin translation and we'll go over the new words.
Zhao4 Ben3 Shan1: I heard he quit his job as a Restaurant Chef and opened up a trickery prevention hotline, and has the gall to never allow himself to be duped or tricked again! The cruel reality of the situation is that I'm forced to strengthen my psychological line of defense. This year, I'm not going to sell him anything at all, there's no way I can honor the commitment I've made to those watching three years ago.
Cai Wei Li: Master, let's go in.
Zhao Ben Shan: Not so fast, first let's make a crank call.
Fan Wei: Hello, this is the Watching Out For You Like a Hawk Trickery Prevention Hotline, this is the Master Fool Mr. Fan, by virtue of our many years experience being duped, whether you've been played the fool or not, we can help you make a wise decision.
If someone is attempting to sell you a Crutch, please...press one now, if someone is attempting to sell you a Wheelchair, please...press two now. If someone is attempting to play mind games, please...press three now. If someone is attempting to sell you a Stretcher, please......hang up now and dial 911!
Zhao Ben Shan: Hello!
Fan Wei: Hello!
Zhao Ben Shan: May I ask, are you Mr. Fan?
Fan Wei: Yes, may I ask who speaking?
Zhao Ben Shan: I am....someone who needs to ask you some advice.
Fan Wei: Okay, go ahead!
Zhao Ben Shan: There is an old Pig at our house, with crazy eyes, this morning it busted out of the fence and ran wildly around the yard at 80 miles an hour, then WHACK!!! It slammed full force into a tree and died!
Fan Wei: Slammed into a tree and died? Then does the Pig have some kind of problem with it's vision?
Zhao Ben Shan: Both eyes are 20/20!
Fan Wei: Then would you say it has some kind of serious heart condition?
Zhao Ben Shan: It's heart if perfectly healthy!
Fan Wei: Then how could it just slam into a tree and die?
Zhao Ben Shan: Well obviously because it can't play any mind games!
Fan Wei: Hmph, I have to say you're really something, you can't even follow simple directions, for playing mind games you have to PRESS THREE! So while we're at it, let me ask you for a little advice.
Zhao Ben Shan: Go ahead!
Fan Wei: When bringing in the new year, we didn't buy any supplies for the house, we've just got a Pig and a Donkey that we can slaughter for food, so tell me, do we first slaughter the Pig or the Donkey?
Zhao Ben Shan: Then first slaughter...(looks to his two assistants for help) okay, I'll give you two a chance to guess.
Cai Wei Li: Donkey meat is really good! Slaughter the Donkey!
Zhao Ben Shan: Slaughter the Donkey!
范伟： 恭喜你答对啦，猪也是这么想的！ ~~~小样儿，~~~~哼！
Fan Wei: CONGRATULATIONS! You've guess right! That's exactly what the Pig said too!
Zhao Ben Shan: (embarassed, knowing he's been made to look stupid) PATHETIC! I really feel for you pathetic losers! You two just made me look like an idiot! And how exactly am I going to put any stock in you guys?
Wang Xiao Hu: Boss, just slaughter the Pig then!
Zhao Ben Shan: Then that's what the DONKEY SAID TOO! I'm telling you, with this riddle whichever animal you say to slaughter is the WRONG ANSWER! Jeez, already hip to my games!
Cai Wei Li: Sir, he's too smart for us, let's just go back home!
Zhao Ben Shan: No way! The first time I tricked him lame, the second time I tricked him dumb, and within ten minutes I'm gonna trick him until he can't walk! Alright, that's it there's no way I can be you guys' master!
Cai Wei Si, Wang Xiao Hu: Master! Wait, calm down, tricking is in our blood!
赵本山： 好，看我的眼色行事，进去！ 美了他了，看看，呀哈，还跑了，往哪跑！
Zhao Ben Shan: Okay, fine. Just watch and learn boys! (Zhao Ben Shan throws on a blanket, sits down in the Wheelchair and strikes a silly pose with his thumb and pinky outstretched, looking crosseyed and shaking. His assistants wheel him over to the door)
Cai Wei Li: Excuse me, is Mr. Fan in?
范伟： 诶，哪位？你们咨询~~~诶呀 诶呀
Fan Wei: (Walking out the door, coming toward them), Hi, who is it? So do you guys need a consultation....(eyeing the poor wretch that is Zhao Ben Shan), oh man...whoa, whoa, whoa
, whoa, whoa...whoa.....whoa...........whoa..........whoa.......
(Fan Wei runs over to Zhao Ben Shan, seeing him with his fingers posed like a surfer dude making the 'narly' sign).
(Imitating Zhao Ben Shan's silly pose) So what does this mean?
Wow, now that's original! (like a lightbulb going off in his head) VERY 6 PLUS 7! (a take off on one of China's most popular TV Talk Show's who's name is "Very 6 plus 1" 非常六加一and who's Host just so happened to be hosting the Spring Festival that year).
Is this the next great trick of the year? So how did you just so happen to drop in on my place huh? Out of the clear blue sky what Angel's big sister has fallen from the sky into my doorstep?
So the Pig slammed into a tree and died huh? Or maybe YOU slammed into the Pig. Chasing it's tail!
(Zhao Ben Shan sticks three fingers into the air)
So how come you've changed to three fingers, hhmmm?
Zhao Ben Shan: It's been three long years, I've been missing you!
Fan Wei: TRICK!
Zhao Ben Shan: I can to repent!
Fan Wei: I'm being tricked!
Zhao Ben Shan: Let my disciples testify!
Cai Wei Li, Wang Xiao Hu: Uh huh!
Fan Wei: The whole posse's come out to trick me! As long as good guys like me are on guard against your tricks, what are you gonna do? Huh? Are you gonna pull out a few more of your mind games? There's a monkey on the ground, seven monkeys in the trees, oh now it's two moneys, uh oh...now it's eight monkeys!
Zhao Ben Shan: Also might be three monkeys, or it might be nine monkeys!
Fan Wei: So how do you think you've changed?
Zhao Ben Shan: I'm pregnant with a monkey!
Fan Wei: Do you think it's funny?
Zhao Ben Shan: No, it's not funny, maybe I used to use mind games to trick you but I'm over that now. I came to apologize to you! These three yerars, the one person in the world that needs an apology more than any other is you, Chef Fan! Such a good man! So sincere, honest and upright! HERE...SLAP ME I DESERVE IT! (Fan Wei raises his hand to slap Zhao Ben Shan)Wait, uh...don't move your hand! Okay, just bawl me out, I deserve it! (Fan Wei opens his mouth to yell), Uh, WAIT...don't open your mouth! If you forgive me I'd come, but even if you don't forgive me I'd still come! Whether you forgive me or not I'm still with my honest face here humbly asking your forgiveness!
Fan Wei: Yeah, yeah, yeah...your honest face huh?
Zhao Ben Shan: Here, help me up!
(Zhao Ben Shan, slowly rises from the Wheelchair, stumbles forward towards Fanw Wei, while Fan Wei nervously backs away trying not to let Zhao Ben Shan come any closer.)
范伟： 呀 呀 能站起来啊 没啥病啊 诶呀呀呀呀 走两步 走两步
Hhmm, hhmm, oh you can stand up! There's nothing wrong with you after all! Walk a couple steps, go ahead walk a couple steps!
(Zhao Ben Shan stumbles faster and faster landing his head on Fan Wei's Chest. Fan Wei is in a complete dither, not knowing what to do, definately not wanting to touch Zhao Ben Shan, he raises his hands, as if Zhao Ben Shan is the bearer of a deadly communicable disease that Fan Wei doesn't want to catch!)
Uh...uh...uh.....Not feeling well are we? Those guys are watching, uh I really wasn't expecting this but it's okay! What are you doing so abruptly hanging your head on me sir? Hurry, stand up! If there's something you want to say the please just say it!
(Fan Wei is still scared to death to think of touching Zhao Ben Shan even to get his head off of him!)
Zhao Ben Shan: Do you want to hear it?
Fan Wei: Yes!
Zhao Ben Shan: Will you trust me?
Fan Wei: As long as you get off me then I'll believe you!
Zhao Ben Shan: All right, stand back, I can get up!
(Zhao Ben Shan slowly withdraws his head from Fan Wei's shoulder and stands up)
Fan Wei: Okay, so say it!
Zhao Ben Shan: It's a long story, I remember it was the first snowfall of 2003, a little later the first snowfall of 2002!
Fan Wei: What are you reciting lyrics from a song for? If you have something to say then just hurry up and say it! Geez!
Zhao Ben Shan: I'm not playing around with you, today I really did come to apologize to you!
(Zhao Ben Shan reaches into his pocket and pulls out a wad of cash and a watch)
Fan Wei: Is that the money you tricked me into giving you?
Zhao Ben Shan: I never spent a single cent!
Fan Wei: (eyeing the watch) This is that same Watch?
Zhao Ben Shan: It's never moved from my wrist!
(Fan Wei runs into Zhao Ben Shan's arms!)
Fan Wei: BROTHER!
End of Part 1
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