Fixing Up a Dialogue

ancalagon

March 25, 2009, 10:21 PM posted in General Discussion

Dajia hao (forgive the lack of characters in this post; I'm presently on an incompatible computer):

An assignment for an elementary-level Chinese class calls for me to come up with a dialogue between a boy and a girl -- the boy is infatuated with the girl and wants to go out with her; the girl wants nothing to do with the boy.

I'm wondering if anyone would be willing to take a look at the dialogue and help out with some rough spots, which I will make note of in the brackets following the Chinese (which also include what I intend to convey in English). Much, much obliged.

Nanhair: Wei. [Hello]

Nuhair: Wei, ni shi na wei? [Hello, who is this?]

Nanhair: Maixiu! Ni xiang qi lai le ma?

Nuhair: A... dui bu qi, wo xiang bu qi lai... [Uh, sorry, I don't remember...]

Nanhair: Ni hai ji de shang ge xingqi Ku Te Lai de hunshi. Wo zhi jiu shi qing ni tiao wu de na ge ren. [**Definite problem section** You don't remember last week at Cortland's (a student in our class) wedding? I was the only person to dance with you.]

Nuhair: Dui bu qi, wo hai bu ji de. [Sorry, I still don't recall.]

Nanhair: Zenme keneng? Mei guanxi. Wo ai ni. Women jintian wansahng qu kan dianying ba. [How is that possible? No worries. I love you! Tonight let's go to the movies.]

Nuhair: Kan dianying? Wo bu neng qu. Wo dui dianying guomin. [Watch a movie? I can't go. I'm allergic to movies.]

Nanhair: Zhen de a? Na women chi ri ben fan, hao bu hao? [Really? Then we'll eat Japanese food, okay?]

Nuhair: Tai bu hao le. Jintian wanshang wo dei dasao xuexiao... [Really not good. Tonight I have to clean the school...]

Nanhair: Zheng ge xuexiao? Ni hao banyan. Hao de, mingtian wanshang, women yao jiehun! [The ENTIRE school? What a role model! Alright, tomorrow night we'll get married!]

Nuhair: Baba! Zhe ge nan hair zai hehu wo! [DAD! This guy is scaring me!]

Nanhair: Airen, zai jian! [Goodbye lover!]

As you might guess, it's supposed to be a very playful, comedic dialogue. I'm mostly looking for, and would greatly appreciate, help fixing up some of the phrasing problems.

Thanks much!