Your Most Embarassing Moment (speaking Chinese)

When demonstarting to a Chinese friend my new words for the day, I pointed to a table and said 精子 (not 桌子）. The wierd thing is, I hadn't even learned 精子

When passing my friend a 杂志, or as I called it 饺子

ah, sorry,同事should be 同2 事4

Haha,the stories are so funny, make my colleague (同1事4） and me laugh.I am a Chinese girl live in Dalian(大4连2） and tried to google foreigner friends who'd like to learn oral Chinese, cause I am planning（打3算4）  to practice oral English,too; then found this website（网3站4）. Your stories are really wonderful（精1彩3）, and your Chinese typing are extremely good.

If anyone lives in Dalian wana a friend could learn from each other, pls contact me freely. my Email is: suchang_monica@yahoo.cn.

I've made some quite embarrassing mistake last week-end when I was speaking with the family of a friend.

I wanted to say 好行伴侣 (good travel companion) but I said 好(with too much emphasis) 性伴侣 (good sex partner) as I put a wrong 4th tone on xing.

***BLANK***

Obviouly something was wrong. I had to quickly made an adjustment :

好性(with emphasis) 伴侣 with the intention to say "good person" this time.

Next time, I will use 朋友 as usual.

有一次我的外国朋友去了个中国朋友家. 他看了这个朋友挺忙就想说一句"你忙我走" 可他说了"我忙你走."

还有一次一个中国朋友在夸我说我的汉语讲地好. 我想谦虚说一句"你过奖了" 可是我说的是 "你讲过了."

The reason I said Taiwan is better, might not hold true anymore. When I was there (and I was also in Beijing, mind you), people are less xenophobic and you are less likely to run into people who pretend not to understand you because you don't look chinese. Also, at least then, it was a lot easier to make friends than in beijing, for similar reasons. BUT, this might not be true for cosmopolitan places like Shanghai.

What's this whole 'i think taiwan-island/china-village is the best place to learn chinese' chat about? I think dalian is the best place to learn chinese, because you can get an all you can eat hot-pot for 30快 and sit there all day eating.. and read a chinese book.

Most of the embarassing times have been chinese people trying to speak english.. don't-use-the-male-chicken-scenario or 'i love to play all day with my bf'... which doesn't translate so well.

Everytime i speak to the in-laws it's embarassing because they talk about 'you must buy a house' and i try to forget chinese my listening skills.

..off to my chinese lesson..byeye

It probably sounds a lot like me when I speak Mandarin, AuntySue. Maybe I will just have to make a tape :)

What does this fake foreigner accent sound like? Is there a recording somewhere?

Also, I have NEVER heard of this "fake foreign accent" thing. I think this is why Taiwan is a superior place to learn Chinese. ;-)

I think these errors are funny, but 9/10 non-natives I hear speak Chinese ALWAYS botch the tones, so you learn to listen for what they are trying to say, if you took it all literally, you would be constantly in a state of distraction.

As for "my key doesn't work"..."mei2yong4" captures the meaning, but really means "is useless"...to say something doesn't work, I would say "qi3bu4liao3 zuo4yong4" (it doesn't rise to its use, literally)

maxiewawa -- Ooh, that's another time! I hate it when people put on the 'foreigner accent' too -- though it doesn't really happen very much anymore. There was one time when I was getting into a cab after a long, bad day and the cabbie asked, in the wacky-tones foreigner accent, where I was going. "Guozijian," I said. "And look, I know I'm a foreigner, but don't do the funny voice thing with me, OK? It's been a bad day and I'm not in the mood for it." "Mèi wéntì," he says. "OK, look -- stop the car here. I'm getting out. Here's the base fare. You're an asshole." He looks horrified, and says "No, no -- I'm from Miyun!"

I wanted to say a Chinese guy in my class to come sit by us. So I wanted and thought I said,

你要坐跟我们？

Instead I said 跟 too softly and he didn't hear it, so he thought I said,

你要做women?

What was even more funnier in the midst of the laughing he said,

"Ohhh, because I was about to say, 'this boy is really advanced!'"

My most embarassing moments are always the things I don't say: the old couple that I didn't help on BART, the co-worker I made speak English when I could have helped out with a little Chinese... Shyness is the enemy of self-respect.

I started learning Mandarin by listening to a lot of Pimsleur, where you have to practice saying things in the context of a different person, such as "how would he tell you....". So, I developed a bad habit of reversing the simple words 你 and 我. So one day when my girlfriend's Chinese friends were all over for dinner, I wanted to be nice to her father by offering him a beer in Mandarin. However, I ended up telling *him* to get *me* a beer in front of everyone. Luckily the girl still agreed to marry me a year later :)

I suppose if to graduate from dental school, an oral exam may be appropriate no matter what you thought of the word.

jamestheron

You're right! I had to take "oral" board exams! Duh, I'm such a dufus : (

I'm not sure what we call that here, some other name, but an "oral defense" is unambiguously the use of biting to ward off an opponent.

Interesting to see this as such a cultural difference.

At least in the US, "oral" is indeed a common and proper way to refer to something spoken. Just about all graduate students must present an oral defense of their thesis or disseration to graduate. Those that don't usually take a comprehensive oral exam of their studies. I have never once heard of this called a "verbal defense" or "verbal exam". Such an event is also just referred to as your "orals".

Thanks SO MUCH, Aunty Sue, for your articulate exposition and explanation on the proper/improper use of the term "oral" vs ."aural" vs "verbal". I thought I was the only one who noticed. I believe one should think of oral as an anatomic term and not one referring to speaking/speech.

It's usually vocal, verbal, or speaking practice, or a course in spoken Chinese for example. The word oral seems to relate mainly to the wet bits inside, not what you produce with it.

For listening skills we commonly use aural (pronounced aw-rel). Aural can relate to the ears themselves and/or to what they do.

So we snicker - no, we fall on the floor - when people who confuse the pronunciations talk about a strange kind of hanky-panky which involves their partner's ears? :-)

I was not aware that, actually. So, you can only use "oral" when talking about 口交 or 牙医, eh?

At least at my school, "oral" is commonly used talk about any type of speaking-only classes / courses that are taught.

Of course, there are some people that snicker. =)

I could always just say 口语, though.

Do you guys so intent on your oral practice realise that the word "oral" is reserved for sex and dentistry in other parts of the English speaking world? :-)

Aah, yes it's probably a good thing that newbies won't be able to follow this thread.

Bazza-- You should check out QQ. It's AIM meets Skype. Plus it's free. You could get a lot of oral practice that way.

I've only communicated with Chinese people in written form so far. ;)

hehe henning. :)

Not nearly as funny as those dirty ones above, but here is my story:

In 1997 I took my family & best friends to China for our wedding. On the first evening we went for dinner togeteher and I got seated at a table together with my parents and my parents in law - but no translator (= my wife) in sight. Those days I only used a "I Tarzan - you Jane" kind of grammar and missed all tones.

So I introduced my parents with:

"wo mama - laoshi"

"wo baba - ye laoshi"

(intended meaning: my parents are both teachers).

My mother in law replied with a question:

"Ni laoshi ma?"

And I replied from the bottom of my heart with a

"Wo bu laoshi"

老师

老实

AZERDocMom 我又打错了！ 可能我打太快了。。。 谢谢你帮助我。

"我的脑子进水了",其实可以这么说:"脑子里面游金鱼".呵呵

没关系啊！我们大家一起学，不是吗？

mei2guan1xi1 ! wo3men2 da4jia1 yi1qi3xue2, bu4shi4ma?

天啊, 好像是我的脑子进水了.

不好意思. =/

刚才 = just now

钢材 = steel

Kyle, Rash

gang1cai2 is 剛才 or 刚才 meaning 'just now' or 'recently."

@ Rash

你又写错了. 应该写 "我钢材..." 不是 "共才" =)

A younger (western) colleague of mine was flirting with some younger (Chinese) colleagues of mine the other day. He just arrived in China and was trying to say 我脑子真帅. I think he wanted to say, "My face is very handsome". Regardless, his pronunciation was actually 我脑子进水.

For those who don't know, "你脑子进水了" is an insult in China. It translates to something along the lines of "your head is full of water".

Today a girl in class said in dailogue today “你什么时候打飞机去中国“ I quietly laughed to my self to be polite but no one else seemed to think it was funny. The teacher didn't even correct her. Maybe I am the only one with a dirty mind.

我共才写错了！我打 "every"， 应该打“everyone"。

When staying in Beijing I arrived almost an hour late for check-out at the hotel. I was so busy taking photos I was only focused on my flight time to return to the states and didnt' consider the fact that I actually had to be out of my room hours before leaving for the airport. I had the reception desk reactive my room key (card) so I could retrieve my things, but something went wrong and I still could not open the door. Upon going back to the desk to say that my card was still not working I tried to say the key 没游泳！ 没游泳！ when really I should have said 没有用! or even better 没用！ Obviously every just looked at me as if i were crazy for trying to make my card swim, until a chinese woman waiting to check-in to her room helped me understand my error.

wow maxiewawa that's painful. Any idea why they do that? Does it happen often?

Rich, ; )

In real life, you don't have to differentiate "tang1" and "tang2" throught tones.

I think that measure words and context are the only solution here.

If you ask for 一碗汤 (a bowl of soup)

I don't know how you could get 一分糖粉 (a pinch of sugar) ?

Great topic Kyle, and my "tang1" "tang2" sorry is the opposite, as I wanted soup with my noddles and at first the 服務員 thought I wanted sugar in my noodles...Ugh! So, tones are important people! Don't get lazy with them, and review/practice often, even at my level. My Story So, my most funny/embarrassing story was my first year in China, fall of 2003 when I would have game night with a dozen or so Chinese. For one game night I wanted to go out and getting something to eat before everyone met, so 2 girls and another guy and I went out to the street where there was lots of street food. Well, we all wanted different street food, so I went and got my usual 大餅雞蛋 (flatbread with egg rolled up in it, with meat as well). So, after I got it, I went looking for everyone. As I wandered around, I walked right past the guy I had come there with who was still waiting for his food, so I didn't see him. He asked me, as I walked by him, 你干什麽? (What are you doing?). I said quite loudly, trying to get my Chinese right, 我在找女孩! (I'm looking for the girls!). My friend quickly said to shut up and not say that loudly. I was like, why not? Didn't I say it right that I was 找女孩? And he said, don't let the police here you say that! You see, I forgot that Chinese doesn't have the word "the" to distinguish that I was looking for someone I already knew, so "找女孩" on the street means "looking for girls" or "looking for prostitutes".... ha ha. Still don't know what to say.. guess just 我們的朋友 would have been better.

I can't give the tones because I don't what the word is in Chinese and it is a second hand story. My father was at a meeting with the president of Beijing Union University and he had his two translators with him. He was introduced to everyone and as usual he pronounced the names as best as he could. He found that every time he was saying the presidents name she was getting more and more anoyed with him. After he got out of the meeting he asked his translators what it was about. They told him that he had been calling her menstrual cramps in front of all the government officials and other important people at the school. Apparently she didn't think it was as funny as we did and in the end the deal didn't go through.

I am going to have to think harder about mistakes I have made. It is really hard to embarrass me so I don't remember them that well.

@ maxiewawa

I don't blame you for approaching that situation in that manner--I do the same thing. =)

These are all great. Maxiewawa, that's priceless!

I always hate it when Chinese people put on a stupid foreigner accent when talking to me. Ni1 Hao4. Huan1 Ying1 Ni1 Dao1 Zhong1 Guo4. (欢迎你到中国）I always try to be as rude as possible when correcting them because I think it's moronic that they put on this stupid accent when they see a foreigner.

Once I was in a noodle shop and some 小伙子 in a little hat started up with that stupid accent. "Ni1 yao1 chi1 shen1 me4" (你要吃什么）. I corrected his accent in front of everyone at the restaurant, using my finger to exaggerate the tones, like a hundred little Chinese kids have done to me before. Only after he had left to get our orders did my companion tell me "Dude, I think that guy's from XinJiang (China's Westernmost province)... he's probably not doing it on purpose, that's his real accent..."

Great topic and an easy one for me. One time I asked a couple if they had hai2zi (children) and they heard me ask if they had ai4zi (Aids).

I also made a fool of myself in a noodle place last year in Zhengzhou. They had cold noodles 凉面 (liángmiàn) on a menu on the wall and that's what I asked for. They also had a display with vegetables and other dishes, a buffet of sorts where you choose different dishes, they serve you and you pay before eating your food.

So I pointed to two styles of cold noodles they also had there, and they all exchange funny looks. I confirmed that's what I wanted, so they went on piling stuff on the plate. Was very cheap so I wasn't sure what I paid for, took a sit while 服务员们 (fúwùyuán) were going back and forth chuckling, until another, serious dish of cold noodles was served to me with everyone now laughing.

What I had pointed to was in addition to the full plate of noodles I had first ordered, so I ended up with food for probably 3 people, and was so embarassed. No one tried to help though, which also annoyed me.

哈哈

wildyaks, On the contrary, I found your story quite funny. (Taipan, this is for you!) 一 大 碗 麻烦 一 大 碗 米饭

Not hardly as funny, or embarrassing as the above...

But we once were in a restaurant, the dishes had come and my friend order 一大碗麻烦 to go with the dishes. Of course she meant 米饭...

We still laugh about that and occasionally order 麻烦, just for the taste of it.

Now I'm laughing my a$$ off!

Thanks JohnB! I'm on it!

Similar to 口语/口交, I remember seriously asking people what they thought of my 口淫, adding that I really needed to practice my 口淫 in order to get it really 到位.

Also, there was a time when I thought that a Beijing breakfast place that specialized in 炒肝儿 was serving 炒肛儿. Ah, the vagaries of erization.

I think this is the epitome of striving for a harmonious society. Dirty jokes: the ties that bind all cultures together.

Taipan, mine you should be able to get from the dictionary entry links. The two sentences in John Pasden's are "I am a ___ teacher," and from that the dictionary lookups should provide the punchlines. Actually straight up giving the translations ruins a lot of the joke (not to mention the new word learning experiences!) :)

I feel like slapping my knee and laughing my ass off at these but I can't read the hanzi, so every one of these is like an inside joke or something. Translations anyone? Please. Pretty please?

Those are great! If I was 喝牛奶，it would be coming out of my 鼻子 right now. I've got a couple of minor stories, but nothing that can compare with those. I think I'll just sit back and read. I'm looking forward to this thread.

Ha ha... that's awesome. Similar to John B's example, a friend of mine was talking to an attractive woman and tried to say, "我是口语老师" but apparently he had been studying too much "alternative vocabulary" because what came out was "我是口交老师." (And no, the woman did not find it intriguing in the least.) That was incredibly embarrassing for everyone there. I don't think I've ever been so embarrassed by something someone else said...

Once, when planning for my wedding and talking to my future father-in-law, we were talking about 婚庆拱门 (hūnqìng gǒngmén -- those flower-covered arches that the newlyweds walk through). However, instead of 拱门 I said... 肛门. It's funny, in retrospect. At the time, not so much.

hmm, ordering five helpings of pig brains at a hot pot restaurant, I think. We ordered some veggies too, but we thought we were getting pork (we were pointing at the item in a menu). The 服务员 kept asking us, "are you sure that's what you want? are you SURE you're sure???" And we said, yes, PIG BRAINS, BRING US PIG BRAINS! WE WANT NOTHING BUT PIG BRAINS.