Open letter to the Chinese language
You're afraid, aren't you, Mandarin? You're starting to feel it; the cold sweat trickling down your back. You heard I kicked English's ass already at 12, and you witnessed first hand what I did to French. French is my b*tch now. And I'm coming for you, Mandarin.
I know you fancy yourself the biggest, meanest language in town. I know you beat the snot out of most anyone who comes to take you on. Hell, you even gave me a sound asswhooping once that caused me to give you space for quite some time. But I'm not like the others. I'm not giving up, and with every day I grow stronger. You ain't never met anyone like me, Mandarin. And you're starting to realize it.
Any obstacle you throw in my way, I can overcome. You tried to run, but you could feel me closing in on you. Now you're trying to hide, but I can hear you breathing. I'm coming for you and when I catch up, it ain't gonna be pretty. I'll wrestle you to the ground and beat you into submission. You'll be begging for mercy before this is over, Mandarin.
You've beat me up bad so many times, yet I keep coming back for more, each time a little bit stronger. Because I'm Muy Macho, and I can give as good as I get. You're winning the battles, but I'm winning the war.
You see me coming, don't you? And you're afraid. You should be, Mandarin. You should be.
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