User Comments - Tal

Posted on: Give Up Your Seat, Young Man!

难道你经常叫人让座但是他们不愿意吧？可怜的老大爷哦！

Posted on: The Wives of Gay Men

"...in hunter gatherer tribes there was no real use for marriage as they were smaller bands of people who very close and tightly knit groups. As a result there was exchanging of partners and not monogamy as we know it."

As we do not of course have any written records or reliable history of our ancient hunter-gatherer past, I regard your statement above as pure speculation, a generalization. Very likely this was the case for certain groups but certainly not for all. The institution of marriage has clearly evolved (and has of course through a process of evolution, assumed different forms at different times.) I submit that the institution would have gone 'extinct' long ago if it did not have powerful meaning for us as a species overall, as well as high utility value.

Posted on: The Wives of Gay Men

When it comes to defining xenophobia, I choose not to split hairs. All kinds of irrational discrimination or dislike of other humans can in my view usually be traced to this emotional impulse, which as I have said is common to all of us. We certainly don't need to think in terms of 'mainstream or dominant culture' and/or 'subcultures'. Pardon me if I say that in this, you're falling back on that limited style of thinking that your religious and cultural prejudice against homosexuals has set you up for.

'Gayness' is not of course an 'institution', but a state of being, one aspect of the human condition, one aspect of what it means to be human. Ultimately concepts of what is 'normal', what is 'mainstream', what is a 'subculture' have no meaning if we view our sexuality as a kind of continuum, a kind of spectrum encompassing many different forms and expressions. We are animals, and homosexuality is a trait displayed by many different creatures that have evolved on this planet.

Marriage (and religion) on the other hand are 'institutions', they are social artifacts that our species has created to give meaning and shape to our lives, and like all institutions they are malleable, open to different interpretations by different social groups at different times. It all depends what the agenda is. Perhaps this agenda often simply evolves based on what group of humans assumes the mantle of 'the mainstream'.

Does it not therefore follow that it only requires an opening of the mind, a conscious choice to let go of the xenophobic impulse, to see 'marriage' in a different way, not one exclusively based on 'heterosexuality'. We don't flinch when we use the phrase 'a marriage of minds'. Why should we do so if we consider the mutual desire of two women, or two men, to be married? Social conditioning and our shared xenophobic impulse, that is all.

What is your mother tongue by the way?

Posted on: The Wives of Gay Men

呵呵, I can dig it. I enjoyed your posts. Gestalt learning can be tricky on the emotions. ;-)

Posted on: The Wives of Gay Men

Oh what a pity! No need to worry about 'off topic' in a 'side thread' like this surely?! I was really quite enjoying this exchange of views. Ah well... have fun man!

Posted on: The Wives of Gay Men

呵呵，I rather suspect that 'the institution of "gayness"' counts as 'TOO provocative'. *chuckle*

Posted on: The Wives of Gay Men

I was born and raised in the UK flo, though I have now lived and worked in China for 8 years. English is my native language, I am trying to make Chinese my second, 呵呵. (I've tried to make this info viewable on my profile but it never seems to show up. That may be my fault of course, not complaining/blaming CPod!)

Posted on: The Wives of Gay Men

I was careful to say that xenophobia is 'a human quality'. By this I mean it is something common to all of us and I was not trying to apply a negative label to your views/feelings. I am myself heterosexual. I can recall (like you perhaps) having a strong antipathy towards homosexuals, I cannot with complete honesty say that I now entirely lack such a feeling all the time. Nevertheless I recognize that it is irrational to have such feelings, that it is preferable to apply reason and 'the golden rule' when dealing with all other humans. I think that xenophobia is something our evolution cooked up in us from the ancient days when it was perhaps useful for the survival of the tribe or family group. The challenge for us (as a species) in our current stage of evolution is to overcome our irrational instincts and use reason to see our way.

Posted on: The Wives of Gay Men

I think that flo's view (perhaps bob's too) can be accounted for by a single word: xenophobia. An unattractive word for an unattractive human quality: the fear and consequent hatred for the strange, the different, the 'outsider'. This might seem like a rather obvious thing to say, but my view (perhaps a naive one) is that in naming our fears we can come to understand them, and in doing so understand that there is nothing to fear.

Posted on: Questioning a Child

Interesting. So how are children disciplined for deliberate bad behavior? In the schoolroom for instance?